


Smile

by Lania



Category: Snowpiercer (2013)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 21:53:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1618334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lania/pseuds/Lania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Curtis has a hard time dealing with his guilt, but has to face the fact that Edgar managed to creep under his skin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile

Curtis had a hard time getting over his guilt. It was like a knife in his guts that twisted deeper whenever he saw Edgar or the handle of the umbrella where Gilliam's arm used to be.  
At first it was easy to avoid Edgar. He was just a baby and if he didn't want to spend time with him, he didn't have to. The nightmares couldn't be avoided that easily, but he felt like he deserved them anyway.

As the years passed though, it was getting harder to ignore him. Edgar was still just a small kid when he started to follow Curtis around, always curious and asking him about every little detail or watched him work with awe in his eyes. It was killing Curtis and yet he couldn't bring himself to turn the boy away completely. He tried to keep his distance, never too friendly towards him, hoping that he would one day just stop being so fixed on him. To Curtis dismay, the contrary happened.  
When he grew up, Edgar was clearly idolizing him and Curtis was slowly melting, even allowed the boy to move into the bunk bed underneath his own. Edgar was still following him around, always trying hard to get Curtis to acknowledge him and tried his best to aid him wherever he could, even though Curtis never asked for his help.  
Also, Edgar had picked up a lot of swearing from the inhabitants of the tail section, but also had one of the brightest smiles, even though he didn't show it as often as he used to (Curtis was adding that one to his never ending list of regrets). He saved his rare bright smiles for moments when he was alone with Curtis who tried his best to ignore the way it made his insides feel warm and how the corners of his mouth twitched everytime, ready to return the gesture, but he never quite managed to form a full and honest smile. 

“Not long anymore”, Edgar said and let his eyes wander over the rows of bunk beds and the narrow hallways. Curtis didn't answer, but Edgar didn't seem to expect it. It was one of those quiet moments between them, sitting on the corner of Curtis bed, feet dangling over the edge.  
“I wonder what it'll be like, you know, after we take over the front”, he continued and chuckled. “I'm actually really excited to taste real food.” At those words, Curtis went rigid. Suddenly he saw the fearful eyes of Edgar's mother before him, how he had killed her to eat her child. He balled his hands into fists and tried to force himself to relax again. Edgar noticed immediately that something was wrong. The concern was clear in his eyes and his hands twitched as if he wanted to grab him, but he didn't move or asked for an explanation, for which Curtis was entirely grateful. He just sat next to him, keeping him silent company, just lightly brushing Curtis' arm with his shoulder, until Curtis unclenched his hands again.  
“Sorry”, Edgar mumbled after a while and Curtis felt his insides turn cold.  
“Don't”, he said harshly and then, softer, “It's not your fault.” It really wasn't, he reminded himself. It's not his fault, it's yours, don't make him suffer for your own mistakes. Gilliam had told him a hundred times that he had to get over his guilt one day because Edgar wasn't going anywhere. Curtis knew he was right. Edgar wouldn't leave his side, he would probably follow him until the very end. The thought was both devastating and strangely comforting. If there was one person he could actually count on to always believe in him, it was probably Edgar. Suddenly, Curtis felt calm and more confident than he ever had and he realized that it was Edgar who did this to him.  
He turned to face Edgar who was looking at his feet, his expression twisted with guilt. After hesitating for a moment, Curtis reached out to place his hand on his arm. Edgar's head snapped up. He gave Curtis a wide eyed stare and then that broad smile spread over his face, lighting up his eyes and Curtis couldn't help but smile back. It was a real one and for once it didn't hurt so much to look at Edgar. He felt his heart beating faster as he let go of Edgar's arm to reach for his hand. Edgar's smile even widened and he returned the grip of his hand tightly.


End file.
